Typical Guyana jokey business

I goes to the body work man to weld couple loose brackets on my bumper. Body work man say I can’t weld this thing, it gotta rivet but I know a body wuk man who could do it. I say ahrite

Body work man say hold on you ain know Larry. No I ain know Larry. Yea man yuh gah know Larry, Larry live by you. Ahrite hol on meh tink meh gah Larry numbuh in meh phone. No me ain know no Larry.

Body work man call the Larry de body wuk man.

Larry meh gah wan man hey need lil wuk but me ain got no rivet gun. Meh go sen he by you. You can do de wuk rite? dem is you type uh wuk. Yeaaaah me can do duh. Sen he ova.

Ahrite. Good yuh set. Go by Larry and he gon set yuh up.

We drive down the road and go meet Larry. First sign of trouble is Larry bridge over the trench is not really a bridge. But we survive the old wood without falling in. Getting back out will certainly involve mystery and drama.

We pull in. Larry siddung.

Larry? Yea! You is Larry right? Yea. Ahrite Larry we come fuh river in the thing. Ahhhrite good.

Larry slumber up straight. Larry watch me. Larry walk to the vehivle. Larry giggle the parts to be fixed. Larry mumble. Larry watch me. Larry watch the thing again. Larry prepare fuh prepare fuh talk again.

I stan’ up watching Larry and praying jesus intervene any second now if larry tell me anything crazy. And I don’t even know where I get the crazy idea dat Larry about to tell me some crazy shiz.

Larry seh me ain got meh rivet gun. I seh wuh? Larry seh meh gun deh cross the river in Agricola. Sooooo yuh got a shop in agricola? No no. De shap is hey but de gun deh in agricola.

Dis is your typical guyana jokey business that occurs DAILY!

So how we gon get dis gun? We might gaah guh crass deh. We driving deh an fix it? No. We could arrange de gun an come back an fix it. Ok so how we getting de gun? Yuh got minutes pon yuh phone?

I borrow Larry my phone. Larry talk to a man and tell he come quick wuk deh. One was led to assume come quick man coming with rivet gun.

Come quick man come and inspect de wuk. Come quick man turn to Larry. Come quick man say Larry whey de rivet gun deh? Larry tell come quick man whey de gun deh.

Come quick man turn to me. Come quick man say mistuh jacobs here wuh me an Larry gon go an get de gun an come back quick and fix up yuh ting. Yuh gat time rite?

I give him my best sure I got all de time in de fucking world to wait on you and Larry smile. I don’t have one shit else to do but that. Dats what I live for.

Larry and come quick man slowly amble over the bridge to an old Japanese buggy. A few minutes pass before I hear the engine roar.

My life, my time and my everything else is now in the hands of Larry & come quick man. If I had any any any inkling I would keep driving and driving myself crazy with dat rattling bumper bracket but as faith would have it, I encountered Larry.

update

Larry and come quick man return a good while later. Larry ain got enough rivets and most the rivets he got is the wrong size.

Come quick man and a youngster begins hammering and chiseling and improvising.

I hear a lot of additional noises and tinkering. I’ve resigned myself that me, Larry, come quick man and Royden will be here for a while and there is still that bridge to reverse back ova, if and when we ever get done. And less we forget, my bumper and entire front end still in the tray to be fitted on when we find more rivets. And you can take me out of that we.

As I watch Larry a number of things come to mind. His neighbor comes by and they have a lovely banter about whose manhood works, who own need fixing and the name of a thing selling at the pharmacy.

Guyanese “trade men” will take your faith to limits previously unforeseen.

Come quick man looking for more tools and Larry on the bridge being entertained by a man who another man threaten fuh kill.

With my day already over, come quick man is moving closer to heaven if I still sitting here listening to hammer and chisel when Barcelona step on the pitch at 245.

Tick tick tock

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One thought on “Typical Guyana jokey business

  1. This kind of kockishness and time wasting by repair men is terrible.They do this to be able to triple charge you for simple jobs.Since the second man did not have the tool,you should have left.

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